Fostering a culture of respect – when to “call in” and “call out”

If your organization has a zero-tolerance policy regarding bias, prejudice, and bullying, what role do you play in creating an inclusive environment? At times, it will be necessary to call out others' behaviors in order to stop the behavior and prevent any further harm. At other times, calling in, or calling attention to the situation to understand or engage deeper, is recommended. How do you decide which approach to take?

---

This discussion surfaced at our January CliffsNotes Book Club as we were studying the book Radical Respect by Kim Scott. (In case you missed it, check out Jerry Edgley’s fabulous notes on the portal.)

Scott’s first book, NYT best seller Radical Candor, is a manual for building trust as a foundation for giving honest, direct feedback. Scott’s second book, Radical Respect, acknowledges a gap. In an organization where there is bias, prejudice, or bullying, it is necessary to first create an environment of mutual respect.

Per Scott in this article, “Radical Respect happens in workplaces that do two things at the same time: (1) Optimize for collaboration, not coercion, and (2) Honor individuality, don’t demand conformity.”

Scott emphasizes that healthy workplace cultures respect others’ viewpoints, foster accountability, and allow for healthy disagreement.

Fostering Radical Respect

When we hear something disrespectful, most people would agree that you should immediately call that person out, so they know that’s not acceptable. Many of us have learned how important it is to be an advocate for someone who may be the target of bullying or discrimination. This is done by a third party (i.e., someone other than the individual being targeted) who will stand up and “call out” the person who made the inappropriate comment or behavior. Calling someone out takes bravery, confidence, and organizational risk. The typical situation to use this is when someone is blatantly discriminating or bullying another, and the team needs to urgently stop the conversation or behavior and send a message that this type of behavior is not tolerated.

In reality, however, comments filled with bias, prejudice, or bullying are rarely so black and white or extreme. There are many variables at play. For example, the person’s power position, your relationship with the person, your standing and status in the team, their reputation, your reputation, the individual’s personality style and history in interacting with the team, the intentions behind the comment, the level of self-awareness of the other person, cultural differences, gender dynamics, organizational norms, and the list goes on and on...

​For example, what if a person said something disrespectful, but had no intention to harm or belittle anyone. They simply lacked exposure to the topic perhaps. Would you still want to call them out and shame them in front of the team? How would that be fostering a culture of respect? I’m not suggesting that you ignore or condone what has happened, but rather take a different, empathetic approach.

These were the thoughts going through my head when someone at book club offered the term “calling in” instead of “calling out.” To me, “calling in” is a wonderful description that allows for dialogue, increased understanding, and often brings the group closer together rather than alienate any one person. When you address the comment, speak openly about the impact of the statement, and dig in further to uncovering bias, this will foster respect across the team.

Strategies for "Calling In" 

Here are some strategies to encourage a “calling in” approach:

• Set clear expectations and group norms about how to interact together
• Reinforce the behaviors you want to see during healthy debate
• Practice addressing issues when the risk and emotions are low
• As a leader, role model being open to feedback and act on the feedback
• Acknowledge when others accept difficult feedback
• Use “I” language to own your own perspective (e.g., “The way I understood the request was…”)
• Use tentative language to test out other’s perspectives (e.g., “I’m sure I’m missing something, but from my perspective…”)

 
Curious to hear your thoughts. When would you use a “calling in” approach? What do you feel needs to be in place to have effective conversations? What risks do you see in this approach?

Resources

Quick Read: This HBR Guide presents a distinction between “Calling In” and “Calling Out” behaviors.