Influence 101, how to get better at it

Influence is not plain vanilla—there are a lot of flavors!

There’s influencing ideas up the chain, leading without authority, driving change, getting people to take action or change behavior, pushing through when there’s resistance, selling, and more.

Everyone wants to become more effective at influencing others, but when it comes to which strategy to employ, I always start by reminding people of two key principles:

1. Context matters, and
2. There’s no one-size-fits all approach.

Said differently, it’s important to have clarity on what exactly you are influencing, what your role is, what the dynamics are. Then, you can build a strategy for how you can influence the outcomes.

Influence was the topic of our CliffsNotes Book Club, with Dana Karp presenting the book New Rules of Influence by Lida Citroën. In this 2024 publication, Citroën echoes some of the best practices in this space, such as the importance of finding a way to be of service to people before you need them. She also builds on the body of research by adding topics, for example “being inclusive,” that reflect workplace values of today.
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Some of my key take aways from that discussion are the importance of being visible and “being a brand.” She talks about the importance of letting others see you, not hiding your voice, coming forward with your point of view, and being bold in sharing your thoughts.

​(For a summary of “rules” from the book, check out the notes on the portal.)

How to Influence Others – A Round-up of Resources

Our book club discussion got me thinking about a few other great resources on influence. I thought I’d pull together some of my favorites, so you have it all in one spot.
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The Polarities of Influencing

I often rely on Polarity Thinking to explain complex topics, and influence is no exception. Polarities are situations in which you are able to hold two seemingly opposing ways of thinking or being at the same time.  

Regarding influence, the most common example is when you are in a conflict with another person and you want to influence them to your position. The basic polarity is “my point of view” on one side and “your point of view” on the other side.

When one tries to influence someone else, they often push data and examples of their point of view. However, this approach often fails and only encourages the other person to push back with their point of view. When using a polarity map to influence, you separate out each party’s perspective with their upsides and downsides.

​Then, you start by exploring the upsides of the other person’s point of view and owning the downsides of your point of view. This alone will change the dynamics of the conversation, and the other person will be less defensive and more open to your perspective.

Robert Cialdini’s Principles

One most comprehensive bodies of research on the topic of influence is by Robert Cialdini. His 2006 book, Influence, The Psychology of Persuasion, was a bestseller, and he’s continued his research since then. In his original book, he outlined six principles for persuasion (pulled from the Amazon book summary):

• Reciprocation: The internal pull to repay what another person has provided us.
• Commitment and Consistency: Once we make a choice or take a stand, we work to behave consistently with that commitment to justify our decisions.
• Social Proof: When we are unsure, we look to similar others to provide us with the correct actions to take. And the more, people undertaking that action, the more we consider that action correct.
• Liking: The propensity to agree with people we like and, just as important, the propensity for others to agree with us, if we like them.
• Authority: We are more likely to say “yes” to others who are authorities, who carry greater knowledge, experience or expertise.
• Scarcity: We want more of what is less available or dwindling in availability.

 
In recent years, Cialdini added a seventh principle:

• Unity, which is the notion that people are more likely to be persuaded by someone who shares some aspect of identity or community with you.

No time to read the book? This video (60 min) provides a summary of the seven principles.

Rick Maurer on Facing Resistance

The best resource on influencing when there is resistance is from Rick Maurer. His model is spectacular because it’s simple and easy to remember. Per Maurer, there are three reasons why people resist:
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I don’t get it
I don’t like it
I don’t like you

The first step is to determine why there is resistance, then the strategy follows. For more, check out this brief article.

What resources would you add to the list? Besides bribing someone with ice cream, what has helped you influence others?