When someone is pushing your buttons, what can you do?

Growing up has a few facets to it. Of course, there is physical growth which happens most notably during our first 20 years of life. From an intellectual standpoint, as we progress through school, we learn to think critically and manage large amounts of information. But what about emotional growth? It can be neglected. For most people, emotional intelligence does not develop unless you actively work on it—such as working with a psychologist or doing a lot of reading and exploration.

​As a coach, I find that a lot of wildly successful leaders need to work on emotional intelligence as part of their professional growth. For example, one of the toughest challenges in a stressful workplace is staying grounded when someone is pushing your buttons. A common conversation I have with coaching clients is about understanding your triggers.

​At Book Club last month, we discussed the book Leading Lightly by Jody Michael. In the book, Michael presents strategies for increasing joy by becoming more mindful of your choices and by taking back control.

​(In case you missed it, head to the CliffsNotes Book Club portal to check out the fabulous notes and book summary that Katy O’Neill prepared.)

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Resources to build emotional intelligence

The discussion was high-energy, and we shared related resources as the book sparked ideas and we connected them to other models, theories, and resources. Here are some more resources and methods that came up during the book club discussion…all worth exploring:

1. Three Brains (book) by Karen Jensen – This book talks about the three “brains,” which are head/heart/gut. It’s a reference for connecting your thoughts and feelings and movement to how you are nourishing and maintaining your body.
2. Tara Brach’s RAIN model (RAIN = Recognize-Allow-Investigate-Nurture) – This mindfulness resource is a tool for anyone who wants to practice living in the present. Brach calls it a practice for “radical compassion.”
3. Corporate Athlete (article) by Jim Loehr & Tony Schwartz – This resource talks about managing your energy, not your time. Taking notice of the energy drainers and the energizing aspects—including relationships—in your life can drive great insights for leaders at any phase in their career.
4. Positive Intelligence (book) by Shirzad Chamine. This book presents a model for developing emotional intelligence, and a list of “10 saboteurs,” that can cause you to repeat patterns that no longer serve you. These are: Judge, Avoider, Controller, Hyper-Achiever, Hyper-Rational, Hyper-Vigilant, Pleaser, Restless, Sticker, and Victim.

 
What resources help you manage your hot buttons?