Getting to know you, without the cheese

​As a coach and organization development consultant, I spend many days facilitating group discussions with people who have never met and/or who don’t know each other well. Often one of the goals of the sessions is to help accelerate relationship-building, and icebreakers are an important tool to meet that goal.

But I hate the cheesy ice breakers!

I am always listening for good questions and, like many facilitators, am a collector of them. I thought it would be fun to share some, and after decades of facilitating group discussions, to give you insights into my criteria for what makes for a good icebreaker question. And, they’re not just for the workplace. Try them out during the holidays with family and friends, too!

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What Makes for a Great Icebreaker Question?

The best questions…

• Act as a ‘hook’ on which we can place some piece of info about the person that’s memorable—such as a mini story
• Spark some creativity
• Allow people to share as much or as little personal info as they want to, and don’t put anyone on the spot
• Have levity, which has the power to stop most of the eye-rolling that happens with some people (there are always some, in any group!) who are on 'Team Anti-Icebreaker'
• Can be answered quickly, one minute or less per person—it’s important to keep it moving at a brisk pace
• Are relevant and interesting for that group

Icebreakers to Try with Family, Friends & Coworkers

Should you feel inspired, here are a few that check all the boxes and will set you up for success!
 

1. If you had to give a TED Talk next week, what would the topic be?
2. If you were a doll, what two accessories would you carry?
3. What was the first job you had, and what did you learn from that job that still helps you today?
4. You’re receiving an award, and the recognition means the world to you. What is the award?
5. What question should you ask me if your goal is to really get to know me quickly?
6. If you wanted to get to know me, what activity would we do together?
7. What song do you listen to when you need a mood booster? (Bonus: you can make a playlist of all the songs, to share after the discussion.)
8. What is your diving-board moment?

What is a Diving-Board Moment, anyway?

​The last one on the diving-board moment is a fun one I picked up from this article, and it requires a bit of explanation. Here’s how to set it up…
 
Imagine we are making a documentary about your life: What is the opening scene?

Think of a pivotal moment in your life and describe it. For example, when actor Reese Witherspoon asked Wharton Business School professor Adam Grant what the opening scene in his documentary would be, he said he’d be a teenager, standing at the top of the high-dive, trembling.

​Grant had been a competitive swimmer for much of his youth, yet the high dive was scary. Today, he is the author of best-selling business books on the psychology of leadership, a wildly successful podcast, and numerous resources to help leaders thrive. As he tells the diving-board story, you can imagine where he got the determination and self-discipline to push his limits and conquer mind over matter.

As you think about your diving-board moment, the ideal story will take us to a real moment in your life when you overcame odds, realized something about your strengths, or defined for yourself an important core value. Fun question, huh?
 
What are some of your favorite ice breaker questions?