Leadership, At Work and Beyond

Given that many of our friends and neighbors have teenage children, this is the time of year when we are talking a lot about college admissions. It’s high stress and high stakes, whether walking the dog or watching a high school sports game. For so many young people, so much seems to be hinging on what your top choices are, and where you get in. The school decision, and so many others, is about status and achievement versus the joy of learning. How did we get here?
 
At our February CliffsNotes Book Club discussion, Brenda Martineau presented highlights from the book Never Enough by Jennifer Breheny Wallace. The book talks about a “toxic achievement culture” that is taking over our kids’ and parents’ lives. In a society where the pressure to perform is deeply embedded in schools, sports, and beyond, how can we teach our kids to strive towards excellence without crushing them? (If you missed book club, check the book club portal for the notes.)
 
The author puts forward a seemingly simple answer. That is, children need to feel they matter, and they must feel intrinsic self-worth that is not dependent on external achievements. What’s the role of parents, teachers, and trusted adults? When they make children feel they matter, children see themselves as valuable contributors and important parts of the community. That’s when kids thrive. And, frankly, that’s when any one of us thrives.

I have been reflecting on these same challenges, and over the years, you’ve heard me talk about leadership at work and beyond. At Mendelow Consulting Group (MCG), we believe leadership skills go way beyond the office walls and spill into all domains of life—with family, neighbors, and the community.

MCG’s Group Dynamic Engagement Model™ supports leaders in the workplace and parents at home. Per the model, to feel engaged, you must feel Connected, Valued, and Empowered. The model represents engagement at work and beyond. In working with executives in the boardroom and parents tackling the morning routine, we have found that the model holds true in both domains. Here are a few brief examples...

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Dynamic Engagement at  Work and Beyond

The Dynamic Engagement Model™ focuses on three psychological needs that are necessary for a team or family to feel engaged.
 
Feeling Connected
 
Establishing clear values both at home and in the workplace is one of the fundamental strategies to establish a strong connection with a team or family. In both environments, there may be unwritten rules of engagement. We encourage you to make those unwritten rules explicit and then acknowledge each other when you see the values in action.
 
For example, in the home, a value may be that we look out for each other. Maybe you notice that your child goes into the cupboard and gets a snack for themselves and then offers their sibling a snack as well. That is a small sign of caring for others and, as the parent, you can verbally say, “I noticed when you got a snack this afternoon, you also got one for your brother. That shows me that you’re looking out for others.”
 
In the workplace, you may have a value around honesty. In a meeting, a team member may push back on some of your ideas, even though you may be the project lead. Instead of pushing back even harder, acknowledge the courage it took to share an opposing view and thank the person for allowing the team to consider the potential risks. 
 
Feeling Valued
 
Feeling valued is about the person feeling that they’re making a difference. In the workplace and at home, it’s important to clarify the strengths each person brings to the table and the roles they play.
 
At home, you may notice that one person in your family is super organized and they help keep the family on schedule. Whereas, someone else is always cracking jokes, and they add humor and lightness to the family.
 
At work, you have the formal roles, but you also have the roles people fall into. For example, you may have someone who is an excellent storyteller and they often help to shape presentations to tell compelling stories to your client.
 
When people feel that their strengths are not only recognized but being leveraged, they feel a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. 
 
Feeling Empowered
 
At work and beyond, people feel empowered when they have choices and autonomy to make decisions, based on certain principles versus a firm set of rules.
 
At home, with young children, feeling empowered may involve a short set of choices to make decisions or options to pack in a lunch. With older children, it may involve being part of family decisions, or negotiating a curfew. 
 
At work, employees want the ability to manage a project from beginning to end and feel the sense of pride and accomplishment once it’s completed. As the leader, you may provide the criteria and vision, but then allow the employee to determine the approach.

Pulling it All Together

There is an art of creating a culture of engagement at work and at home, and it’s dynamic. At any given time, you may need to focus on one or more of these psychological needs. As a leader, at home or work, you also want to recognize how to address these needs, so you don’t accidentally over-accommodate or sacrifice your own needs. You want to accommodate and stand your ground; you want to be flexible and also have boundaries in place.
 
When it’s a well-oiled machine, you will find that those around you are more committed, more creative, and more fulfilled. That’s big-picture engagement. I know many of you are thinking about these same issues, so please send us your best practices. I’m curious to hear what strategies you employ to create that culture of engagement either at work or at home.