The Fidget Spinner of Life: How to Create a Culture of Engagement

At Mendelow Consulting Group, we’ve surveyed thousands of managers. We’ve crunched the numbers. Engagement boils down to three things.

​Employees want to feel a sense of belonging or connection,
to feel valued for their work,
and to be empowered to make decisions. 

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That’s the secret to a happy employee, who in turn is giving their all to the organization. And, it turns out, it’s the secret to any relationship at work or at home. In our research, we have gathered input on three fundamental factors--

• Feeling connected > “Do I belong?”
• Feeling valued > “Do I make a difference?”
• Feeling empowered > “Do I have choices?”

 
And, none of these elements operates in isolation. They’re all connected and are in motion at any given time. The Dynamic Leader graphic above shows all three elements intertwined by three intersecting infinity loops. When my son saw this image, he immediately said, “Oh, you created a fidget spinner.” So, we present to you the Fidget Spinner of Life.
 
Let’s look more closely at each of these, and how they show up at work and at home.
 
Feeling Connected
When he defined the hierarchy of needs, Maslow hit on a critical insight that unites humans: we are social beings. Our predecessors lived in tribes in order to survive. Today, we still rely on our communities and are social beings—even at a time when loneliness is an epidemic. (Side note, if you haven’t read the research on social rejection, check it out. It triggers the same reactions in the brain as physical pain.) Feeling a sense of connection at home and work is critical to our overall well-being. For example…

• AT WORK > this means we thrive when we develop relationships with our coworkers. Gallup’s best-friend-at-work question is directly linked to performance. Yes, directly! Women who have a best friend at work are more than twice as likely to say that they are engaged. Enough said! In addition, connection happens at the team level, too. When all members are aligned to a larger mission, something greater than what each individual can contribute, there’s a real sense of belonging.
• AT HOME > we thrive when we are fully present. It could be simple acts such as when family members ask about our day, listen to our challenges and remember important milestones happening at work (“Hey, how was that presentation?”). In addition, each family lives by a set of family values (whether they’ve been articulated or not). Engagement at the family level occurs when all members of the family are aligned and have established expectations to practice the values on a daily basis.

 
Feeling Valued
We also need to feel valued. Not simply recognized, but truly valued. The core question one asks him/herself here is, “Am I making a difference?” Whereas connection is focused on the interpersonal relationships, feeling valued is focused on skills and competence. In other words, one may question, “Do my contributions (skills, strengths, etc.) contribute in a meaningful way?” Soliciting feedback from the people who see us in action, and whose opinions we most value, will in turn help us feel valued. And, delivering feedback to others, in an honest yet supportive manner, will enhance engagement. Here’s what that looks like at work and at home…

• AT WORK > we can show our colleagues that we value them by providing honest feedback that is both firm and kind. One way to do this is to rethink what undesired behaviors are. Oftentimes, undesirable behaviors are strengths overdone (e.g., being too accommodating and avoiding conflict, or being too focused on task and missing the interpersonal connections). When you frame feedback as strengths overdone, you are acknowledging the value one brings to the table but explaining that the intensity is too high. You are still being direct with the individual, but are delivering feedback in a way that the other person can hear it and still feel valued for their strengths.
• AT HOME > this shows up in a similar way. Oftentimes as parents we want to shelter our kids from negativity or potential failures and err on the side of overemphasizing how great they are, while not being realistic about what they might need to do to improve. Sheltering and telling them how great they are all the time will not help our children succeed in life as they won’t necessarily gain the confidence to bounce back from setbacks. What is a parent to do? Keep providing that support and encouragement AND be realistic and straightforward about situations. A common example is after a sports game that a child lost. It’s tempting as parents to downplay it and say, “It’s fine, you played great, don’t worry about it.” But this creates disconnection and a sense of a skewed reality. Instead, you may want to first share the reality directly, “That was a tough game, and I know you’re upset right now.” Then provide encouragement, “You’ll get through this and, if you’d like, I can help you practice after school next week.” This realistic yet optimistic response validates the child’s emotions of feeling frustrated and gives them hope that things will improve.

 
Feeling Empowered
We give “control” a bad rap (think “control freak” or “micromanager”), but we humans need to feel a sense of control. Without it, we feel helpless, and in extreme cases this can lead to depression and despair. How do you help those around you feel empowered? How do you balance your own need to be in control with others’? Here are some ideas…

• AT WORK > a manager can provide guidelines and also provide autonomy. In doing so, the team will learn not just to execute the task, but also to think through the steps needed to complete the task, and to understand the concerns or issues at each decision point. As a coach, I find that many managers who struggle with delegation often trust their team’s abilities and skills—what they may not yet trust their team members’ judgment. It often boils down to, “Will they make the same decision I would make?” In coaching leaders who are working on learning to delegate, I often focus on how they can share their thought process with others.
• AT HOME > autonomy is also important. With children, you encourage independence by providing choices. Very young children can be satisfied with a limited set of choices such as: “Do you want to put your shoes on before you go outside, or do you want to put your shoes on while sitting on the porch step?”  Over time, allowing a child to choose will show your children that you trust their judgment and will demonstrate mutual respect.

 
The interplay of feeling connected, valued, and empowered is so powerful that it is the framework we use to help leaders grow in their role, and prepare to take on a broader role. Let us know how it rings true for you!
 
P.S. If you are looking for more insights on how organizations promote their values, check out the brief summary of our discussion from this month’s CBODN Book Club focused on the book Reinventing Organizations by Frederic Laloux. The book talks about a “soulful revolution,” one in which employees are engaged and organizations are enlightened.